Who’s Fault Is It? – Part I

 

As I reflect back on the events of the last couple of months and try to figure out why I am going through all the tests the doctors have been putting me through, I start to blame myself. I blame my self for not listening to the doctor a year ago. I blame myself for not having the MRI done a year ago. I blame myself for not quitting smoking earlier in my life, especially since I had been told what it could do to my health.

I have come to the conclusion that it was not my fault and it probably would have happened no matter what I had done in the past. I have come to realize that there are forces in this world that we have no control over. Why do people get cancer? Why are kids and young people taken from us so young? Why do bad things happen to good people?

As I tried to answer the questions as they pertain to my particular situation and started searching myself and my beliefs it led me on a journey of trying to answer the question as to why bad things happen to good people. It took me on a personal journey of looking at life, my life, and why things happen the way they do. I started questioning my life and why if I was making things different, if I was making a life style change as my doctor suggested, why did one of the very things I was trying to avoid actually happen.

I was trying to avoid a heart attack or a stroke. After lowering my cholesterol 24 points, from 204 to 180, I experienced a TIA (mini-stroke). It just didn’t make any sense to me. Naturally I blamed myself for not following what the doctor had advised me a year earlier. So it was all my fault, or so I thought. It was then that I was reminded by my wife of the powers in this universe that work against us and try to defeat us, even to the point of death.

Please read along as I try to explain why suffering happens and why bad things happen to good people…

(To Be Continued)

A Change of Lifestyle - Epilogue

 

On Tuesday the 5th of October I smoked my final cigarette at 11 pm. More on how that is working out in a bit. On Thursday the 7th of October I had my follow-up appointment with my heart doctor. I had blood work done the morning before and would get the results of how my change of lifestyle was working out.

I checked in at the doctors office and they escorted me to the examine room, stopping off at the scale to get my weight. The nurse recorded 184 lbs.  That was a loss of 20+ lbs in 2 months time. I went in the examine room and then went through the usual routine of the nurse asking me about my health, meds I was taking and had a noticed any changes in my overall health. Then she gave me the lab results on the blood I had deposited the day before at the lab.

First off just about everything had dropped. My glucose level was down 6 points from the previous review two months before. More importantly I had dropped my cholesterol 24 points, from 204 to 180. So how could I have had a TIA just a week before. Was it because of the life style change I was making? The ER doc said possibly. The cardiologist said he doubted it. So why? If I had only made the changes a year earlier? If I had heeded the warnings, like the dizziness or the double vision I had experienced a year before? If I had only quit smoking before now?

As I write this it has been 11 days since my last cigarette. I think I am finally adjusting. I quit cold turkey. Laid them down at 11 pm one night and didn’t pick them up again. Days 3, 4, 5, 6 were some of the worse. On those nights I could not sleep. On 3, 4 and 6 I actually only slept 4 hours each night. On day 5 I didn’t sleep at all. If I had it all to do again I think I would have cut back slowly and used one of the stop smoking aids. On days 8 and 9 I wanted to smoke really bad. I got through those couple of days and am doing fine now. Those two days were some very stressful days. I will write about them in a day or two.

I have two more tests coming up. A MRI this upcoming week and a brain scan the following week. I expect them to be normal also.

So, what have I learned from all this? I will take up that issue in the next series of blog posts. Let’s just say for now that it was not due to anything I could have changed. In the next series I will get into the spiritual aspects of what happened. I will touch on why bad things happen to good people.

I want to take just  a moment to thank everyone who has kept me in their thoughts and prayers. I want to thank everyone for their concerns. Everyone from my church, my work, my Facebook friends, and of course my family and close friends. You have all been a great encouragement for me. I also want to thank God for His blessing we with great friends and for His help in getting me through the last couple of weeks.