Lost Again…
As Christmas approached I became more and more unsettled. I wanted to just jump on the Harley and head somewhere, anywhere. I decided Christmas was not the right time to leave, maybe after Christmas I would take off. Christmas came and went. I kept having feelings of being trapped and would be better off somewhere else, alone, by myself. No one to answer to. No one to tell me I could or couldn’t ride. No one to tell me what I could and couldn’t do.
Luckily I kept dragging my feet, looking for the opportune time to make my escape. As the New Year started I had quit going to Church on Sunday mornings. We had a break from Alpha but I did attend the CMA First Tuesday for January. By Sunday, the Fifteenth of January, I was really struggling. I didn’t attend Church that Sunday and my wife got really upset with me. It was the make it or break it point for me. I argued with her about Church and could have just walked out that day. Instead I listened to her and she explained that with what I had been learning in Alpha and my decision to join CMA that Satan was trying to pull me away from everything that I was learning. I knew she was right, Satan has done it time and time again but I still didn’t want admit it.
I finally got mad, got up and went in the bedroom. I laid face down on the bed and began to pray. As I prayed I cried. I knew that Satan was at the point of tearing apart our marriage of 32 years. I cried out to God and asked him to help me. I told him I was tired of the battle with Satan and was ready to turn my will over to him. I told him to use me as he wanted; I was his and would from this point on do what he asked me to do.
I had always known through all the years that I bounced back and forth, in and out of Church, all I needed to do was surrender my will and God would change me. However, I was always afraid to make that commitment. I thought if I surrendered myself totally to his will I would lose MY freedom. I thought that he might send me off to South America as a missionary or chose me for some other task I didn’t really want to do. I was at a point however, especially with what I had been learning and studying in Alpha, that I knew I had two choices. Keep living that way I had been, in turmoil and confusion, or let God have complete control and pull me from the grasp that Satan had on me. So on the fifteenth of January, 2006 I gave my life over to Jesus, surrendered all, and finally felt the burden lifted from me that had hindered all I had tried to do for forty years. I immediately felt the Holy Spirit in me and knew that I had made the right choice. Man, what a relief….
Mark 1:15 "The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" (NIV)
Luckily I kept dragging my feet, looking for the opportune time to make my escape. As the New Year started I had quit going to Church on Sunday mornings. We had a break from Alpha but I did attend the CMA First Tuesday for January. By Sunday, the Fifteenth of January, I was really struggling. I didn’t attend Church that Sunday and my wife got really upset with me. It was the make it or break it point for me. I argued with her about Church and could have just walked out that day. Instead I listened to her and she explained that with what I had been learning in Alpha and my decision to join CMA that Satan was trying to pull me away from everything that I was learning. I knew she was right, Satan has done it time and time again but I still didn’t want admit it.
I finally got mad, got up and went in the bedroom. I laid face down on the bed and began to pray. As I prayed I cried. I knew that Satan was at the point of tearing apart our marriage of 32 years. I cried out to God and asked him to help me. I told him I was tired of the battle with Satan and was ready to turn my will over to him. I told him to use me as he wanted; I was his and would from this point on do what he asked me to do.
I had always known through all the years that I bounced back and forth, in and out of Church, all I needed to do was surrender my will and God would change me. However, I was always afraid to make that commitment. I thought if I surrendered myself totally to his will I would lose MY freedom. I thought that he might send me off to South America as a missionary or chose me for some other task I didn’t really want to do. I was at a point however, especially with what I had been learning and studying in Alpha, that I knew I had two choices. Keep living that way I had been, in turmoil and confusion, or let God have complete control and pull me from the grasp that Satan had on me. So on the fifteenth of January, 2006 I gave my life over to Jesus, surrendered all, and finally felt the burden lifted from me that had hindered all I had tried to do for forty years. I immediately felt the Holy Spirit in me and knew that I had made the right choice. Man, what a relief….
Mark 1:15 "The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" (NIV)
posted by Gary Gass at 10:07 PM
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